A Voice of Infertility…
Given that it is infertility awareness week I thought I’d put my voice out there as a woman who struggles very much with this issue. I don’t write or really talk about this too much, even though it is an underlying issue in my life that can rage in my head in unforeseen waves of intense emotions — of not the good kind 🙂
The infertility journey is definitely a roller coaster. Most of the time I am alright — accepting of my current situation….. appreciate of my free time and freedom from the reigns of small children…. Then I’m flicked into a downward, depressing spiral.
This emotional turmoil rides in waves each monthly cycle…. the hope, the wait, the disappointment….. more pregnancy announcements (the thoughts that I should stay off Facebook, Lol).
Most recently I was hit with a bittersweet pregnancy announcement from my infertility confidant. She was the one I could vent to. The one who understood all the heartache and spiraling emotions…. fear, worry, sadness….
I am truly happy for her. I am. It is wonderful to see someone battling infertility for years finally conceive. But I can’t shut up the thought that persists along this infertile journey….
Will it ever be me?
Despising thoughts about my broken womb, the pain with my period, my big empty house surrounded by sounds of children’s laughter and an unused swing set in the backyard — a big reminder of our short comings…..
And the worst part, as I move forward into my thirty second year of life without children, are the feelings of isolation as there are fewer and fewer non-Mom’s around me.
Infertility makes me feel…. like less of a woman….. There it is. Truth be told.
And I hate that I have to pass these feelings along to my husband whose dream is to have a child of his own. What if I take that dream away from him too?
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
Honestly, sometimes I don’t know how to handle these emotions. They are intense and heart breaking and more often than not…. inconsolable. Infertility cuts deep.
I write this from a stark reminder of a recent emotional pour out yesterday morning (and a reminder again to stay off of Facebook). I felt really sad and just overwhelmed with negative emotions.
But instead of wallowing I decided to do something about it…..
That something is called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) also commonly referred to as “tapping”. The theory behind EFT is similar to acupuncture — emotional acupuncture per say. It works to stimulate specific points used in acupuncture with tapping fingers.
The theory is that negative emotions are caused by a disruption in the body’s energy system. Tapping helps balance energy via the meridians (as used in acupuncture) and helps release negative emotions like fear, worry, sadness, anxiety, etc.
The various tapping points are located: on the outside of the hand (below the little finger), the crown of the head, around the eyes, under the nose, on the chin, under the collarbone and below the underarm.
With EFT you simply tap on these areas and really focus on the emotion, physical symptom or problem while applying the tapping technique. Tapping with pure focus on these issues helps release the negative disruption in the body’s energy system and with it goes the unwanted emotion.
EFT & Infertility
By no means am I an expert at this, in fact this was only the second time that I’ve tried EFT. Like I said, I was in a pretty down state — feeling pretty overwhelmed with the weight of infertility and all the emotions that go along with it….. and I wanted to release it.
I found a lovely lady named Sarah Holland at Fertile Mindset. She’s got an awesome YouTube Channel where I found a helpful video of her doing EFT techniques to help with that raging thought…. When will it be me?
Check it out….
On the Positive Side?
I love how Sarah talks about taking control back by being present in the moment. We can only control the now…. not the future.
I followed her tapping technique a couple of times (the first time I literally had tears dropping down my cheeks) and I found that it helped me.
Once we get the hang of it, then we can change the words to match our own emotions…. being sure to include the phrase:
“Even though I ———-(emotion here)———-, I completely and deeply love and accept myself.”
What about you? Do you struggle with infertility? Have you tried EFT for infertility or to help release other negative emotions?
I’d love to hear from you…..