Lonely Swing Set
For much of the week I sit at my computer in my home office. Above my dual computer screens is a window that looks out over the backyard.
My view was of a wooden swing set that the previous owners left behind. It had swings, a slide and a cool clubhouse type top.
When we moved in about a year ago, we decided to keep the swing set. I swung on the swings… pretty high. Occasionally I even did a jump off that took me back to being a kid 🙂
(This swinging was cut short when my dog, Einstein, decided it was a game to bite my toes and run underneath my swing in the upswing, resulting in a few crashes into him. LOL.)
While it wasn’t being utilized, the swing set remained – in perfect view out of my office window. Looking out on this swing set brought with it underlying feelings of something missing.
That lonely swing set waited to be utilized by little ones. Instead it became an obstacle for my dogs to run around.
No Need Right NOW.
Last weekend my husband and I donated the swing set to a family with three young children. As I watched them break it down and haul it away, I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. As if this donation was taking away our future kids’ fun.
But in reality, there are no kids here. Now.
While a part of this reality makes me want to wallow a bit… a bigger part of me realizes that all that matters is this present moment.
I’ve learned that the anxiety and stress of any issue comes primarily from the mind’s desire or “craving”. This causes mental struggle and stress. One of the best ways to release from this is to come back to the present moment.
In this present moment – there are no kids, nor any on the way, so there is no need for the swing set taking up a sizable chunk of our backyard.
Infertility brings uncertainty that there will never be children to utilize that lonely swing set. No need to be reminded each day of this fact.
On the Positive Side?
The first couple of days the big empty space was strange. As if something was, in fact missing. But as time passed, I got used to its absence and actually enjoyed the empty space.
While children remain an uncertainty, I don’t want to stress over it. I accept what is, right now. Taking worry from what might be and the big visual display of something “missing”.
Not sure what is to become of the empty slab, but we’ve discussed a fire pit 🙂
I hope that this analogy is helpful. In the big scheme of things it’s not about the swing set, but more so about coming back to the present moment and relinquishing the natural “cravings” of the mind.