I Am Healed….?
I thought that I’d found the antidote. I released so much in the writing of my book and the pain with my periods have been relatively mild; my PMS symptoms drifted away.
This is it, I thought. The best ending of all…. I’m healed.
Or was I?
Under the surface I think I wanted to test this theory and in a weird way I went looking for confirmation from the things in my past that triggered pain: my food choices.
So I cheated a little bit. And nothing happened.
So I cheated again. A little more this time.
My body seemed to confirm my thoughts. I’m healed.
There was no way in the past that I would have been able to eat the way I was eating without a reaction from my body.
So I kept pushing it. Full consumption of sugary, fried, delicious morsels.
Some of these things I cannot believe that I put into my body. These were foods that I have stayed completely clear from for years.
Regardless, the pain stayed away, as did my PMS symptoms.
That’s it. I was healed. For real.
Wake Up Call!
Saturday morning disproved my theory when the arrival of flow slaughtered my center like a knife. The pain pressed like a belt of sharp, burning, unrelenting spindles of fire.
This pressing pain pushed everything out of me… literally. Soon the nausea became my constant companion. Nothing stayed down. Not even water.
Pure, unaltered pain and nausea. ALL. DAY. LONG.
I pulled out all the tricks starting with my shelf of supplements, but these all came right back up. So nauseous from all the bad oils and sugars I’d consumed over the past few weeks.
A warm bath with Epsom salt brought momentarily relief, till it was over and I was in agony again. Nothing stopped the pain. It was like taking a big step back in time.
Did this prove anything? Was my theory on healing false?
Perhaps it was a shove in the face for what I already know: Eat like Crap. Feel like Crap.
I’m So Sorry. And I Love You.
While my mind teetered with thoughts that I was healed and could eat whatever I wanted without reaction, my body smacked this down.
How could I have done this to myself?
As the pain pierced through I wrapped my arms around my knees in an embraced self-hug. And I gave my body a sincere apology and promised I’d take better care of it.
I spoke these words aloud with loving grace:
I Love You.
I’m so sorry that I caused you this pain.
I promise that I will fill you with nutritious foods.
I will not do this to you again.
I promise that I will give you rest and replenishment.
I promise I will treat you right.
I’m SO sorry.
I Love You.
Visualization Exercise for Pain
In addition to this spoken apology, it was my mind which helped me eventually find a period of relief.
With a steady breath, I closed my eyes and imagined my uterus and my ovaries on FIRE!
Then the idea of relief from the pain, the burning discomfort arrived as a visualization of cooling aloe vera pouring over these internal wounds.
I imagined the aloe vera covering these inflamed parts and imagined the feeling of relief afterwards. Like the relief that followed after pouring aloe on a sunburn.
And you know…. it worked.
Sounds sort of silly right? But don’t knock the power of visualization until you try it 🙂
On the Positive Side?
I made it through that horrible day of awakening. Another stark reminder that I need to care for my body if it is going to remain in good shape.
One thing I’ve sort of relied on in keeping with positive choices is the immediate reaction my body used to bring. This made it easier to stay away from the crap.
Now it’s more of a cumulative effect. As the lining of my womb thickens each month it’s made up of the nutrition that I fill it with. It’s not an immediate reaction, but as I learned, the wrong kind of build up can cause a huge blow up of pain.
Truth be told that reminder was pretty traumatic. I will not forget the words I promised to my body in that time of pure pain. I will take care of you. I promise.
With this promise comes continued healing of a greater sort.
Have you made this promise too?
I’m so thankful for your honesty and your use of something similar to Ho’oponopono. I’ve made the promises before and derailed only to get back on track again and again. I totally relate to what you said. I’m curious, what healthy foods do you eat?
Thank you so much for introducing me to Ho’oponopono and for seeing that I try to incorporate this in my life. Such a beautiful concept. This made me smile 🙂
I think it is natural to fall off track. What’s important is getting back in line…
I have shifted my eating patterns to more of a seasonal approach. Right now this equates to root vegetables such as sweet potatoes and squash which I slather with coconut oil or use as a base for soups. I’m very drawn to warming foods right now. I eat a fair share of nuts: walnuts, almonds, pecans and berries: blueberries, raspberries which I’ve been warming up and mixing with some nuts. These patterns shift in the warmer months where I tend to eat a lot more raw foods.
Are you on Pinterest? I have a bunch of endo friendly recipe boards there: http://www.pinterest.com/peacewithendo