This past Sunday my husband woke to the news that one of his good friends committed suicide. Needless to say this caused a disturbance of energy in our household.
I picked up on the sadness, even though I didn’t personally know his friend.
The experience of loss by suicide runs deep in my husband’s history and the passing of his friend brought back up old scars that opened up and bled out this week.
The decision to take one’s life is not to be taken lightly. It conjures up so many emotions and a never-ending question: Why?
Releasing Pain Through Music
I think the decision to commit suicide comes from a desperate desire to end the pain. It’s fear that the pain will never end.
But even with suicide, the pain does not end. Instead it’s multiplied and spread out to all those who lost. To all those who will forever wonder Why?
Pain. Guilt. Abandonment. It conjures up a lot.
All of this happened on the cusp of my last blog post: Love is Greater Than Fear, where I shared the suggestion of releasing pain through art.
“You should write a song about it,” I told my husband.
So that’s what he did. He wrote out a part of his soul and composed guitar and lyrics in a piece of art. An expression of the pain.
And it’s an absolutely beautiful song. Check it out.
As he works to perfect it before the funeral, he’s played it over and over again. In fact it’s playing as I’m writing this.
There was a point where I had to block my ears out. Not because of the song itself but because of the emotions I was picking up.
Traits of a Highly Sensitive Empath
I discovered not too long ago that I am a highly sensitive empath (HSE). Heard of it?
As I started to read more about the characteristics of an HSE, things fell together for me. I began to understand better why I am the way I am.
One book that I read on the topic was The Highly Sensitive Empath: Feeling Skinless in a Sandpaper World written by an HSE for other HSE’s.
Some of the HSE traits from the book that I related to included:
- Being bored easy, need more stimulation to feel better.
- More sensitive to fear, but more likely to face it.
- Forgiving. Allows for natural flaws of nature.
- Easily falls into the emotions of others. These emotions are transferred.
- Triggers can set you off, especially if these include experiences from childhood.
- Sensitive to smells.
- Need to be alone to tune into who you are.
- Need to be in tune with your own energy and to be able to distinguish this from others.
- Intuitive. Drawn to certain things.
- Very real dreams, much as the waking world. You can meet others in this realm.
- Heavily impacted by grief and funerals are a big struggle. Group energy of grief can impact you greatly.
Do you relate to any (or all) of these? 🙂
As my husband wrote this song a couple of nights ago, I had a big influx of emotion that flared through. My entire body was aching. Tears came flowing out.
This happened simultaneously as he bled his emotions out in this song, fueled by a tremendous loss of a friend.
He said that writing the song was helpful, but as he went through the process he cried, he burrowed, he dug into all the emotions that were stirred up.
My body picked up that energy in a BIG way.
Highly Sensitive Endo Sisters
This topic of being highly sensitive has come up before in endometriosis support groups that I’m part of. Which got me wondering if being a HSE is common with women with endo?
It would make sense, if so.
The womb is a powerful space. It is the place of new life. It is the piece that births our creative feminine energy, our intuition.
What happens when cells that resemble the inside of this powerful organ end up all over your body? It’s no wonder we’re so sensitive.
So what does it mean to be an HSE?
I’ve had to learn to be selective with my energy. I am easily drained when I’m around negative energy. This could come from people or events (I very rarely read the mainstream news since it’s pretty much all negative).
But on the opposite, I also pull in positive energy and inspiration from others. This is definitely the energy I choose to be around 🙂
It also means that I need space alone to refuel and restore, especially after a big social gathering. More so if it’s something sad like a funeral (or days of hearing a sad suicide song…)
I need time alone to tune into what my true emotions are. Since I pick up other’s energy, it’s so vital for me to have space to re-group.
It also means that I MUST express myself creatively or I start to get really cranky. This primarily comes out through writing, but I also love music. I love to sing and am learning to play guitar. Or sometimes a simple coloring break is in order 🙂
On the Positive Side?
I read an article recently about how empaths are innate healers (which includes the ability to heal ourselves).
We are drawn into professions where we help others.
I think this is natural. If you pick up on the energy of others then it makes sense to want to help heal other’s pain. This way we get to feel better too.
I figured out that I am highly sensitive because I became aware of the impacts of people’s energy on me. Once I became more aware I could sense my intuition about situations almost immediately.
Intuition is a powerful thing, especially on the journey to self-healing.
I was able to put one and two together between last night’s pain and the pain being shed all around me because I am tuned in, self-aware.
Thank you for reading this, as I too released some of what I’ve picked up this week 🙂
Are you highly sensitive too? How does this impact you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.