Intentions for Freedom…
With the start of this year, rather than completing a set of resolutions, I put together my Desire Map. This fabulous tool developed by Danielle LaPorte helps guide your goals towards how you want to feel.
My primary word for 2016: FREEDOM.
I created a collage with the words that make up my Desire Map and have it placed in a frame next to my computer, where I spend the majority of my working days.
I do believe there is power in putting this desired intention out there.
Once I did, I’ve been guided with wise teachings, many of which have come as book suggestions from the Peace With Endo community. (Thank you!)
What does it truly mean to have freedom?
This question ran through my mind, as the week started here in the States with Independence Day. A day dedicated to this notion of freedom.
And since we’ve officially crossed the half-way point of 2016, I figured it was time for a check-in.
When I initially placed this word FREEDOM big and central on my map, I was thinking in terms of financial freedom, location freedom and freedom with my time. I was looking outwardly.
But what’s evolved instead has been freedom on a grander scale. It has developed within.
Mind Space Awareness
This has come from a distinct, known separation from the thoughts in my head and the “witness” to these thoughts.
This witness equates to my higher-self, my true self. This true self is divine and part of something greater, encompassing true love, and a connection to creation.
This conscious connection has caused a big shift. I am more aware of the workings of my mind space. I am not a prisoner to my own thoughts or negative beliefs.
I recognize that I have a choice in how I respond, and this response is my greatest power.
I see now that when I linger on certain negative thoughts or beliefs that I am only feeding my own suffering.
I’ve practiced pulling myself away from the thoughts that rule my mind and back to this moment. I’ve practiced living more mindful; living life within sensations that are electrified outside of this realm of thought.
The warmth of the sun on my skin. The feel of my feet on the ground. The tickle of the wind across my face. The joy from a good round of laughter. The ache during a good cry.
I am feeling through the seasons of 2016 and soaking it all in.
Surrender: The Greatest Step to Freedom
As the year progresses, I’ve taken the biggest step towards freedom. It has come from SURRENDER. This has been the greatest lesson on my healing journey.
When negative emotions or stress rises up, I practice feeling my way through them. I acknowledge how I am feeling. Rather than my typical running away mechanisms, I’ve stayed present, without judgement.
I connect with how it makes me feel in my body, where it gathers. Sometimes I cry.
Then I release it.
There have been times when I’ve literally felt it release out of me. What a relief.
The first time I really noticed the impact of this was after a scuffle with my hubby. I was upset, but rather than letting it ruin my entire night, I felt through it. I acknowledged how I was feeling, then I let it go.
Why hold on to the negative? The negative thoughts only hurt me, even if they are directed towards someone else 🙂
Turn to LOVE
Furthering this journey to freedom, with help from wise teachers, I’m currently reading Marianne Williamson‘s new book, Tears to Triumph. As with the other teachings I’ve come across this year, this one fell into my path.
As I work through Tears to Triumph, my pink highlighter has been going off like crazy. Her words are further confirmation of the lessons I’ve been guided towards this year.
She connects to this idea of suffering, of falling into the dark spot, where all feels lost… surrendering to it… and finding the light. For it is in these darkest hours that we are most open to receiving it.
In this space love is greater than fear.
Fear. I’ve recognized this companion along the way. A blockage to freedom.
Marianne’s consistent message is to turn to LOVE. This encompasses compassion for you and for others.
She also writes on the emotions of anger and resentment and how these impact us. They feed your ego, but damage your spirit. When you offer up forgiveness, you are offering up love to yourself.
Let it go.
The Desire to Be Seen & Understood
I think that as humans our natural underlying desires are to be seen, loved, acknowledged and understood. This can be hard when you have a chronic, invisible illness, or when you develop in an environment where these attributes may be missing.
What I’ve learned through my true “witness” self is that I am already loved, acknowledged and understood simple because of my being. Your being is naturally connected to light, to love.
This notion has provided me great comfort, especially when these negative thoughts and feelings rise up.
I am not alone. I am seen. I am loved. I am whole. And I don’t need to look outward for confirmation of this. No. The truth is within.
On the Positive Side?
I had no idea when I started 2016 that I would learn these true lessons to freedom that are omniscient, regardless of the circumstances. I was concerned about outward thoughts of freedom – location, time, financial success.
But with inner freedom, these factors end up not mattering as much. This is because inner freedom helps make a greater outward experience.
My journey to healing endometriosis started with an outward focus. I shifted my diet and lifestyle and started taking handfuls of supplements. I cleansed, detoxing my insides. I studied my genetics and tested my deficiencies.
While this surely helped, it wasn’t enough. I think that in order to find true peace with endo, a spiritual shift is needed.
It makes life with endometriosis less difficult because it brings with it a strong knowing that no matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, we will make it through. Things always work out.
We are made of love and light. I know it can be hard to see that sometimes. Once you truly see this, when you connect with it and realize the true beauty of your being then you too will find your way to FREEDOM.